Six Years

Six Years living well with T1D!

Six years, and look how far you have come.  I would be lying if I didn't acknowledge the sadness that this day still brings to me.  I will forever hate that you must live with this, and will forever remember you at age seven on that day your carefree childhood was stolen.

I don't write often anymore.  This is every day becoming more "your diabetes."  And, while of course it always has been, this is becoming more evident every day.  And, it is yours to share with the world, or to keep to yourself.

But, I need you and the world to know that you simply amaze me.  I wish I could have known on that day you were diagnosed what today would look like.

You are happy (as happy as a teen girl can be) and healthy.  You are strong, smart, and funny.  You have met people who have become dear friends because of diabetes.  And, you have kept your very best friend who knew you "before" in spite of diabetes.

Gone is the small child who screamed and cried before finger pricks, injections, and site changes.  Here is the young woman who does those same site changes herself.

Gone is the little girl who with every single candle did not hesitate before she blew it out to tell me that she wished so desperately for a cure.  Here is the resilient teen who still wants that cure, but often has to think of a wish before she blows the candle out.

Gone are the days that I alone must measure every single morsel you that you put in your mouth.  Here are the days where before I can even start, you have often measured your carbs yourself (and bolused!)

Gone are the days where I sent you to school and held my breath until you came home.  Here are the days where I only have a passing thought as to what your blood sugar may be.  "I know how to take care of my diabetes" you tell me.  And you do.

And, this week when I silently congratulated myself when looking at your fasting sugar for making the right decision to do a temp basal when your dex alarmed in the middle of the night, you tell me at breakfast "I woke up low last night and ate glucose tabs."  You woke up low (a HUGE milestone) and you handled it on your own without me even knowing.  Did I mention you simply amaze me?

Being a teen girl with diabetes is no easy feat.  I won't lie and say every day is smooth.  I would be trying to fool everyone if I said we've got this down pat.  And, there are still days when we all hate this.  The highs, the lows, the sheer work involved every single day.  Being different as a teen.  It is still so hard, the worry is still there, and the wish for better technology and a cure.  And, as a mom the new journey of watching something that I have carried for you for so long now become yours to carry.  I wish that I could continue to carry this burden for you forever, but yet I am so proud of you for how well you carry it yourself.

But, I want you to know that I will always be here.  And, you never have to carry this load alone. You will always have Team Jessica behind you.  But, whereas I have been that captain so far....you are now driving the helm.  And, you make an incredible captain.