I'm ready to throw my hands up in the air and scream this week. Oh, diabetes, I am used to your tricks by now. But, that doesn't mean I like them. Where else can I put in so much work and at the end of the week feel like I have accomplished nothing?
I was warned about the puberty hormones and blood sugars. I knew it would be more challenging. But, I thought there would be some pattern. I love problems and finding solutions. I thrive at being analytical. I mean I kicked butt on the analytical portion of the GRE's during the brief time I thought about going to grad school. But, there is no pattern here. There is no mathematical answer to your behavior this week.
One night you are high. I adjust the rates by the smallest amount possible and keep all other variables the same. The next night you are low.
Yesterday morning you had lows in the 60's at school. I adjusted the rates by the smallest amount possible and gave you a low carb (10 grams) breakfast...this morning you are hanging out all morning close to 350. Mathematically there is absolutely no way this makes sense. And, there is no in between basal to adjust to.
We saw your diabetes provider for your routine visit Monday. She adjusted everything. The next 48 hours your sugars were worse then before we even went to the visit.
I know we will get back on track. Just like I know some weeks diabetes just does what it wants. It could be hormones, stress, the wind...who knows what is affecting your numbers this week. But, I know it will pass. We can manage this and we will.
What I struggle with is how you feel. You feel horrible when you are high. You don't have a good day. You can't focus in school. You hate feeling sluggish and cranky. And, feeling low isn't any better. And, you are frustrated. You don't think we will get things back on track. You tell me you just want a break from the highs and lows and work...just for one day.
"I've got this," I tell you. "We can do this." I reassure you that we will get your sugars back in goal again soon. I tell you again that we are a team. We will always be a team. But, God do I wish I could just take this for you. I would gladly take the highs, the lows, all the work to just give you a break. And, I can't. I can give up sleep and at least give you that break. But, I can't take it from you during the day.
We've been here before. And because we've been here before I also know we'll be back to smoother sailing soon. Maybe this weekend we'll play smash the Omnipod. I think I'll write the word "diabetes" on every used pod. Let's see who wins this weekend, Diabetes.