I started out doing it for Jessica. In my profession I get to see a lot of healthy and not so healthy people. If you take bad luck out of the picture, so much of what I see has to do with how people eat and whether or not they choose to exercise.
Like all T1 parents, I will do anything in my power to help Jessica live a long and healthy life.
So, I decided to set an example and when I turned 40 I bought a new pair of running shoes and hit the trails. I wanted her to see that I felt it was important. And, I have tried to bring her along too. We have run together some, and she seems to enjoy it. She eagerly entered the race with me tomorrow. But, then at soccer this week she told me she actually really doesn't want to miss her soccer game to run the race. And, of course I won't force her.
I almost cancelled entirely. And, then I realized that somewhere along the road of trying to be a good example for Jess, I have fallen in love with running.
It is the only time I get totally to myself. Well, of course I bring the dog...after all if I weren't multi-tasking by running the dog, then I'd be taking time completely to myself and then the mommy guilt would kick in!
I run through the woods, listening to the stream and the birds, and my steady breathing. I feel alive, healthy, and at peace. It has been amazing to test my old 40 year old s/p twin pregnancy body and see what it can do. And, it has amazed me.
And, I've realized that just as I so often tell my patients that they as caretakers need to take care of themselves, this is what running has become to me. A reminder that amongst all the focus on my daughter and husband's health, my health is important too and should not be neglected.
It feels odd to be going to a race tomorrow that is not a Race for A Cure or a JDRF walk. But, it also feels guiltily wonderful to be running tomorrow to support another valuable cause. For almost three years I have lived and breathed diabetes every waking and sleeping moment. And, I will continue to do so and continue to support and help my husband and daughter any possible way I can. I will continue to live in awe of all they must do and wish with all my heart that they didn't have to.
But tomorrow morning for a brief time it will be my time.
I don't know how I'll do tomorrow. As luck would have it I'm on call tonight. And, there's the stupid cold I have had all week.
But, if my daughter can be the leading scorer on her soccer team with a blood sugar in the 300's then surely I can do this one small thing.