Hurdles

A rarity-two posts in one day.  But, I don't want to forget tonight.

It was an ordinary night.  I was making dinner.  The hubby was still at work.  Jess left to go upstairs and I didn't even notice.

"Can you come here mom?"  I hear from upstairs.

And, there she is.  She has the site change all set up and she is holding it on herself about to press the button.  She has done this but once before, and it was very directed by myself.  Her fingers technically pushed the button, but they were under mine and there was a lot of coaxing.

"I'm so disappointed- I wanted to come downstairs and tell you I did my own site change."  "But, then I  decided I wanted you here for this.  I'm so scared mom- I'm shaking."  And, she is.  Her whole body is trembling, especially her little hands.

"I can do this," she says.  "I'm wearing my bracelet."  She is wearing an "I Can Do This" bracelet from the Friends For Life conference (The "I Can Do This" project is amazing-check it out!)  "YES, you can," I reiterate.

And, she does.  The site goes in.  I truly don't think I have ever seen her so proud.  She jumps up and down screaming, hugging me tight.  She calls daddy at work.  She runs downstairs and she and Courtney do "the happy dance."  I am so incredibly proud of her.  And, more so - I am so incredibly happy FOR her.  What a huge hurdle.  What a huge step towards independence.

And, for one split second I feel a bit of pain.  I have done so many site changes for her.  I have loved being able to take this one part of the burden away from her just a bit.  Have I done my last site change?

The thought passes as quickly as it came.  Happiness floods me.

And, my sweet little girl says "Mom, if I'm tired or just don't want to do one---will you still do a site change for me?"  "Sweetie- even if you are thirty years old and you call to tell me you're tired and sick of it and you just need a break-I'll be there."  And we share the sweetest hug.

I'd like to think this has been a life changing summer for Jessica.  We found the Children With Diabetes support network and so many amazing, amazing people.  She knows we have already registered for next year.

We have had a wonderful babysitter who happens to be a college student with Type 1 with us.  I can only imagine the comfort this has brought Jess.

I hope these memories and experiences are enough to help her through this year.  She'll be the only Type 1 kid at her school this year.  The only other Type 1 having gone on to middle school.  I know it is lonely.  And, it is no fun to be different.  But, she is also but a phone call or email away from so many who support her now---so many who know just what it is like.

We have her diabetes appointment Monday.  As usual I fear the "mommy report card."  But, I am also glad it is still mine to feel guilty about.  I dread the time when she takes ownership and feels the guilt and frustration that my husband and all other Type 1 friends I have talked to feel when their HgbA1c is not up to par.  I try to remind myself that we have accomplished so much this summer.  Even if her number is not at goal, it can not take away from the hurdles we have jumped.