A Drop of Sadness

You will be ten soon.  A decade.  You don't remember life without diabetes.  But, I do.  Our first seven years and three months were without fingersticks, site and dexcom changes, highs and lows.  I worried about normal childhood things, but not that you would die in your sleep.  Your little fingers looked like they do in this picture---free from the callouses of multiple sticks.  But, your smile is the same.  You've always had a smile that could light up the world.

I know you are fine.  I know we are lucky we had seven years diabetes free---so many I have met did not even get that.  The painful moments are few and far between now.  You are growing up into such a beautiful young lady.  I am so proud to be your mom.

I can't help but wish you remembered "before."  We had such fun times.  There were times I let you eat as much candy as you wanted, times you drank tons of the chocolate milk you love, times I didn't ask you to check your blood sugar, or ask "are you high...are you low?"  Times we just took off for fun "mommy days" without the big diabetes backpack following along.  There were times every third day didn't involve the site change you still hate so much.  Times you didn't have to wear all these gadgets around your waist.  But, I also know maybe it is easier you don't remember.

You will be ten soon.  And, despite the drop of sadness I feel, I remind myself that a very short time ago you would not have turned ten.  And even though insulin is not a cure, it has kept you alive with your smile that lights up the world.  Happy Birthday baby girl.  I love you more every single day.